Justin's Finger Story...

It was a night just like any other night. The air was cold, and you could see your breath as you exhaled. I was standing next to a man who smelled of urine and I was not for sure why. I did not know his name. I think his name was Henry but it could have been Sam. We talked about shoestring potatoes and the meaning of the word dog. The urine smell was now stuck in my mucus membrane, and did not know why. I heard a sound from the jungle, was it a monkey typing, or could it be the other men we were fighting. I raised my musket and got ready, for I was a sniper for the U.S. ARMY. My commanding officer, George Washington, Had told me I was the one that could win the war.

  At about the time I went to pull the trigger, I felt a strange feeling in my stomach. Was it gas, or could the enemy be behind me? I was thinking gas, for I had eaten three helpings of baked beans the day before. I was wrong. The enemy was there and they were not happy. They took me hostage and lead me back to their camp. When we arrived I was blind folded with my hands tied behind my back. I thought to myself that maybe this is a surprise birthday party for me? No! It could not be. I knew that because no one said surprise or sang to me as they took the blind fold off. I was a P O W. They took me to a room which looked alot like a motel 6 lobby. They set me in a chair and held my hand out. They talked as if they were from Medicine Lodge? I did not know. My trigger finger was now in the hands of a man who had mustard in the corner of his mouth. Was he going to eat my trigger finger? Or was the mustard from a corn dog he ha d earlier that day. I once again did not why crazy thoughts were running through my head. 

  He reached for a dull butter knife and started cutting on my trigger finger. It felt good at first, but the pain was setting in. I screamed at the top of my lungs. I begged they hurry. When they asked why i told them DorfuscrackTractor needed a drummer and the money i was going to get from losing a finger would buy the drum kit i had been looking at. They all laughed loudly and told me i was crazy. But who is laughing now? Me. I am the one laughing, as i am now the drummer for the best band in Barber County...... DorfuscrackTractor.

  That is the story of how i lost part of my index finger. For more information contact me at DorfuscrackTractor.com    

The Finger Story... Part Deux..

On a tour of Europe, I was put in a position I never want to be in again. I was on tour with two of my very good friends, I thought. Not only friends, they were also my band mates. You see this is the story of how part of my index finger was taken from me.

   It was a day of sunshine and birds singing. We were on the road and having a great time. Our tour had just kicked off and we were making a retarded amount of money. At least it was to us. The night was closing in and it was time to start getting ready for bed. We did not have a big fancy tour bus, just an old fifth wheel pulled behind a pickup. Our driver, M.T. Main, was one of the best drivers in Europe at that time. We should of known something was up when we hired him from the "Drivers' R Us" web site.

  M.T. was pulling our home on the road with a 1982 Ford F150. It was multi colored and had no hood. We pulled in to the "Beers R Us" store so M.T. could get something to drink before we left out on our journey to our next show. At the time we stopped, Kevin and Dave asked me if I would sleep on the top bunk that night. I told them I had a very big fear of doing that, for that is how Cliff from Metallica was tragically killed. They said, and I quote, "come on dude it will be just like riding a roller coaster at Joyland". Again I should of known bad things were going to happen, because the roller coaster at Joyland sucks and is a death trap!! Against my better judgment I crawled up to the top bunk and fell into a deep sleep.

  I could tell the road was bumpy as my head kept hitting the top of the fifthwheel. I could her Kevin and Dave laughing every time my head would hit. I thought they were asleep too , but they were not. Those two stayed up just to watch me suffer. Again good friends, I thought! The next thing that happened changed my life forever.

   The screaming tires, the busting glass, that was the sounds I heard last. Ok I stole that line from a song but oh well. So the story continues. I felt myself being bounced around like a rag doll. You would of thought I would have woke up but I did not. I was asleep like a bear in hibernation. I could hear the other guys yell as our camper raced down the road. You see when we stopped at the "Beers R Us" store, M.T. thought it would be funny to loosen up the trailer hitch for a more bumpy ride. What he did not know is that when we hit the dip in the road the trailer would come off.

  So there we were being pulled by nothing more than gravity down the mountain. Our pimped out fifth wheel hit a moose and flipped over 17 and 1 half times. M.T. did not even noticed we had came unhooked. When we came to rest, my hand was out side the camper lying on the ground. I could feel blood running down my arm and I started to panic. Kevin and Dave were standing outside looking at my hand and laughing. I asked them why they were laughing and they told me that a squirrel was sitting over in the tree eating on part of my finger. I asked them why they thought that was so funny and they replied "Hey Justin, What was your favorite part about that?" I laid there bleeding and in pain but started to laugh and answered," It had to be the part were I thought the squirrel was tame and would not bite my finger off!"

So I guess the moral of this story is this... With friends like Kevin and Dave, Who needs to think about being in another band other then DorfuscrackTractor!!!!!